SweetMemories

2010-04-18T04:30:00.000-07:00

These past weeks has been smooth sailing for us. Alhamdulillah. One thing I've learned and will always be holding on to is,

"Understand each others differences and embrace it".

2010-04-13T04:56:00.000-07:00

one week i'm down, following week i'm ok. and now i'm down again. What's up with these flu viruses. Go fly somewhere else please. Chet!

I'm feeling contented with my work nowadays, all geared up for PTC. Started the developmental milestones documentation and all. I can do it and I will. [:

2010-04-05T04:50:00.000-07:00

For the past half hour, I have been browsing through this blog of mine. And one thing that is apparent was that I was frequently sick the past 2 years. However, this year, thank God, it turned out to be better. I am stronger physically and mentally. Much so that I managed to go to work still with mild fever, blocked nose and cough. Superwoman. heh.

I realized that I am able to control myself from doing things that is not of ultimate importance like taking annual leaves (I've only taken one day leave so far :D), medical leaves and the most critical one, withdrawing money from ATMs. Just like I said to Wahida, "This (ATM) machine is evil. It tempts us to withdraw money when we have to save it" haha.

And yes I'm proud of myself. Guess I've grown wiser.

2010-04-03T21:11:00.000-07:00

Every month, it has been a routine for us to express our love for each other. We reflected on the good times and the not-so-good times we had for the previous month.

And whenever this happen, I will always be left speechless. I don't know what to say in particular, on how to express my love for him. I've always believe, in love, you have to feel it. Not neccessary say it. But then again, when I gave it a thought, I find that it is important to say it to realize it.

A music lover myself, I enjoyed listening to songs that somehow able to relate to how I felt at that moment of time. One day, as I was listening to the song, "Flaws and All" by Beyonce Knowles, I began to listen intently to the lyrics. An amazing songwriter she is, I would like to use her words to express my love for him.

I'm a train wreck in the morning

I'm a bitch in the afternoon

Every now and then without warning

I can be really mean towards you

I'm a puzzle yes indeed

Ever complex in every way

And all the pieces aren't even in the box

And yet you see the picture clear as day

I don't know why you love me

And that's why I love you

You catch me when I fall

Accept me, flaws and all

And that's why I love you

And that's why I love

I neglect you when I'm working

When I need attention I tend to nag

I'm a host of imperfection

And you see past all that

I'm a peasant by some standards

But in your eyes I'm a queen

You see potential in all my flaws

And that's exactly what I mean

I don't know why you love me

And that's why I love you

You catch me when I fall

Accept me, flaws and all

And that's why I love you

Don't know why you love me

And that's why I love you

Catch me when I fall

Accept me flaws and all

And that's why I love you

You, you, you

2010-03-23T05:40:00.000-07:00

Its 2010. And its my first entry for the year. March i know. But better late than never. heh.

Work has been good.

Family has been great.

Fiance has been awesome.

People often say that the engagement period will not be as easy as it seems. But so far, Alhamdulillah. It has been fine. Although it is not as smooth sailing, still we managed well. Isn't it darling? heh.

We began to understand each other more and and although the phone calls or the meet ups has reduced, still the love keeps growing. Chey. haha.

To my dearest husband-to-be, Wa sayang sama lu lah!

2009-12-18T16:31:00.000-08:00

Dearest blog,

Sorry for abondoning you for these while. I've been busy with work, family and lifelong commitment. So please forgive me okay? heh :)

So this is the rundown of what i've kept myself with,

1. K2 Graduation concert

Yes my K2s have finally graduated. I am definitely going to miss them most. 3 years bitter sweet relationship with them have made me grow as a person as well as a professional. They taught me to be more firm and discipline in my actions. They taught me to smile even when datelines are screaming at me. They taught me to appreciate the little things that happen in life. I'm grateful for that. To all of you my friends, as what I've always reminded you, Be a person who is remembered in the future because of good things not bad. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you!

2. A 23rd to me

A year added. Definitely I've grown more mature in terms of advises, encouragements and decision making. And it is this year that I realize that I don't need that WOW birthday celebration. I don't need that birthday presents. All I need is to spend time with my family and dearest fiance, doing what we enojoyed most. And I get it. Thank you!

3. Our Wedding Affairs

Heard that wedding bells recently? I've actually made my down payment for my bridal service. It's been months since I've been surfing online, getting the scoops, accolades, complaints from almost all the malay bridal services available. However, my sis-in-law recommended me Our Wedding Affairs which she hired for her wedding. So one fine day, fiance and I went to the showroom at Upper Serangoon and view the packages availabe for us. Exclusive yet affordable. Of the same standard of the more popular malay bridal services but yet the prices are just fantabulous. All I'm left with now is the catering and deco which I will hand that over to mum. Definitely, So So Excited!

4. Michael Jackson Tribute Concert-Joby Rogers

As a belated birthday celebration, my cousin and I decided to watch this tribute concert. It was pouring heavily during the evening and yes we were semi drenched by the time we reach the indoor stadium. And in case you didn't know, we got the standing tickets and we are right in front of the stage. How wonderful is that. It was a nice feeling. Definitely after so long not attending gigs, concerts and parties. To my dearest cousin, Thank you for making the belated celebration a memorable one. Loves.

5. First Campus Dinner and Dance

This year will be the first time Sengkang centre making the appearance in the company's event. I was the one being the mastermind of entering the talentime competition that was organised by the management. And so, we chose the singer and the dancers, went for the audition and we are through to the finals! yeehaa! And its happening tonight. As to what we are going to perform, it's going to be reveal only tonight. Heh. Super super excited now. Watch out First Campus, My First Skool Sengkang is going to rock the Suntec Convention tonight!!

2009-11-03T07:59:00.000-08:00

Name: Nur Hidayah Bte Hassan

Status: Engaged to Muhammad Aminur

Yes. I've moved on to a new phase of my life. Frankly speaking, I feel like there isn't much change. But when I take a closer look at the details. It makes a difference. There's alot of those little loopholes here and there that I need to settle. And there's the other part of adjustments that I need to suit.

It's almost a month now and I must say that fiance and I are definitely freaked out about the preparations already. 1 and a half to 2 years is not long. In fact it is quite a short period of time for a decent wedding prepaprations.

Within this month, we've went to wedding exhibitions, bridal shops and browse through sites and magazines/brochures for wedding packages and such. We also sat and talked about finance and apartment matters. So as for now, if I were a memory card, my capacity would have reached 90%.

We tried not to get so tensed up and tried our very best to enjoy every moments we had together. In fact, I feel that our relationship has in fact has turned for the better after the engagement. Alhamdulillah.

To my dearest fiance,

Tough times we will have to face

but no matter what, together we will sail.

Love you as always. =)

2009-09-02T05:06:00.000-07:00

Long time no update. so here it goes. im left with about a month. just a month. if i say that im not bothered at all by the situation, im a liar. i definitely got caught up the stress syndrome. from the engagement, to work, to my personal life. have got me shrinking. down for most of the days last month which caused me 5 kilos of weight slashed from my already skinny body :(.

And when i took a cab home this afternoon, the taxi driver said, "Just be happy. This is life. There's good and there's bad.".Yes uncle, I'll heed your advise.

2009-05-24T05:14:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, takziah kepada keluarga Arwah Atuk Taib and Arwah bf 's Uncle. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat. amin.

Boyfriend is away for today. recieved a call from his uncle from Malacca saying that another of his uncle had just passed away :( and that's the first time i heard him cry. although i don't know the uncle or even saw him before, i know its hard for the family.

I missed boyfriend very much. although, ive been away most of the day to Sentosa tanning and swimming and chilling but i did not enjoy much. in my mind was still him and that scent of his that i could smell everywhere i go. paranoid. maybe. this is the first time that we're away from each other. even for a day i can barely cope.

i miss miss miss him. and tonight, im scared of lonely...

I'm in this fight and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired

I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time

I'm sinking in the sand and I can't barely stand

I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely

I try to be patient but I'm hurting deep inside

And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night

And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home?

'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely

And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall

And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own

And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe

When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely

I cry at night 'cause my baby's too far to be by my side

To wipe away these tears of mine so I hold my pillow tight

To imagine you I'll stretch your hand looking for mine

'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely

I need your break when nobody is around

'Cause I'm tired of this emptiness

I think I'm drowning, I can't be lonely

And I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely

2009-05-19T05:25:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, sorry for not updating. its just that busypluslazy mode again.

been superbly busy these past few weeks making all the preparations, this, that and everything else.

oh yes. PTC is rolling again. and the KIC and the K2 Graduation Concert and its next year again. fast isnt it? like really, i still remember how id celebrated my new year with bf and now June is coming again. Gosh.

this are all random i know. just trying to get the drift to blog again but sadly enough, it failed. no ideas. booohoooo.

oooh and October is drawing near.

2009-04-10T01:12:00.000-07:00

never have i reveal the real truth on this blog. but i will now.

all the unsatisfaction, hurt, anger, kept inside all these while and i just cant seem to hold it any longer.

trust is definitely a damn big thing for me. but he doesnt seem to trust me. he kept on asking me and making accusations that im always with some other guys even when he knows im home. im sick and tired of that. i keep on telling myself that he will eventually learn to trust me but 9 months have passed and this has always been the main issue and the cause of me to hang up the phone. im sorry to have made you pissed off everytime i did that. but i cannot take it anymore. i felt angry, hurt, silly and to the point of giving up everytime that happens.

what else must i do to make you finally realise that i truly love you and that you're the only man that i believe and trust in my life? what else do i need to fulfill to make you believe that i only love and adore you? what else should i say to knock some sense?

i've supported you when you are jobless, i've encouraged you to go on and give you hope when you were job hunting, i've helped you in whatever way i can even when it means i'm cashless, i've given you everything i could physicaly and emotionally.

but why must you still do this to me? why? am i just not good enough for you? i just dont get it. everytime i want clarifications, all you did was to gave up and let me win all the time as if i love to be the ultimate winner and to see you being a loser. how could i do that to you. never in the entire 9 months i was with you that i have the intention to see you lose or being a loser. never. it will definitely hurts me to see you going through that process. i just need your explanation and your willingness to start believing and to learn to trust me.

i don't give a damn what your ex-fiance did to you which makes you stop trusting women in general. whatever she did to you is not and will never be connected to our relationship but it seem that you're still in fear that whatever she did to you, i will do the same to you too. what the hell. first of all, i am me. i am not her or anyone else so stop comparing. second, whats past is past stop thinking about it. let bygons be bygons and third, i dont give a damn of the length of relationship you had with her or what happened to the both of you. if you have not realized, i have never or ever want to know about your relationship with her. so suck it in and move on.

please start trusting me. thats all im asking. i am not contacting what more seeing other guys. its only you that i want now and in the future. i have done and i will still do whatever it takes to make our relationship work. i love you. i really do.

2009-03-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

its rough, its back to normal, its rough again, its back to normal again.

that has been the ride that we go through, love and i, these past few weeks or months. but however, whatever, i love him lots. and i know he loves me lots too.

people, close ones and even not-so-close ones have been asking when we will tie the knot. it will when the time comes okay people. it's not easy you know. haha. especially with the recession now, we really have to work our asses off to get those cash. yeah.

so sabar saje la ye. bile masenye tibe saye akan beritahu ye. hehe.

ooh yeah, get well soon to my dearie, Nur Syazwani and her beloved daddy, Mohamat Sallim. Gather all the strength and might and you'll be okay yeah. we will be praying.

hmmm. i guess that's it. lost my train of thoughts already. see you when i see you.

2009-03-07T19:18:00.000-08:00

we were in a cab on the way home. silent. but in our minds, we were thinking of the same thing.

we will make it through love.

2009-01-31T20:54:00.000-08:00

me and love met after work. went to town with the intention to get work clothes for each other and as usual, bought nothing. is it a curse or something? haha. guess God wants me to save money. yeah.

okay anyways, we were dead bored so went to play pool at Lucky Plaza. guess that's the only cheap place in town. lols. and after that, love has been bugging me to come up with a plan and so, karaoke lah!

called mum and asked her if she were interested. and so she agreed. booked a room at cashbox studios at ming arcade. from 1805 hrs to 2105 hrs, we screamed out loud. haha. gosh hell yeah i missed singing. more of missed performing in school events and such. missed the stage fright and all. missed the nerves before auditions, and of course missed the audiences.

singing has been a family trait. i think. haha. practically all of us really can sing. but due to our jobscope, it only ends with toilet singing lar. ooooh the echos. i love it everytime. lols. oh well, to many more karaoke to come! cheers!

2009-01-27T03:46:00.000-08:00

i have not been sleeping well these past weeks. that's the main reason why those eyebags decided to return. oh wells, sometimes i wander why i couldn't sleep or what causes it. but somehow, i feel that it has to do with the supernatural. hell yeah i believe they exist. they're part of God's creation anyways.

so through these sleepless nights, 2 person have accompanied me without fail. love of course, and my darling cousin, Eda. she's up too. not for the same reason as me but she had a terrible toothache. so both of us will try to soothe each other until we are able to sleep soundly. sweet isn't it. i love her alot. and when i think about her, i would think about the childhood we shared living together in the same house until her family moved out and the sweet teenage years we shared, crying, laughing, scared and such. not forgetting the late suppers that we would get at Mr. Prata or Mr. Teh Tarek. i miss her lots.

hopefully all the dreams and hopes we've shared last time will come true for the both of us yah?

okay, back to love. i know you have been working hard for our future. i appreciate that alot. thank you for all the sacrifices and the undivided time you set aside just for me. there's nothing more i could ask. you've given me that certain something that i have been missing all these years. i'm glad we've found each other. i love you more than anything.

2009-01-23T19:19:00.000-08:00

Wishing all friends Gong Xi Fa Cai and have a great long weekend!

2009-01-16T22:27:00.000-08:00

hello hello hello

i feel good tralallala~

recently, i've been feeling superduper wonderful about life. even the simplest things makes me giggle. definitely life's good.

work has been great. altho ALOT of disciplnary problems that has been dealt with, everything else is great. i've made up my mnd on the career path that i would take if the opportunity rises. it gets clearer and clearer that i'm going to achieve it with each single day passed. awesome.

family's good. pure bliss. greatful for everything.

love is wonderful. both of us was superbly busy with work. yes. but we still create AMPLE time for each other. i'm thankful for that.

guess 2009 has started pretty well so far. alhamdulillah.

2009-01-08T17:52:00.000-08:00

"concentrate on your career, save the money and get married." that was what my uncle told me in our 5minutes conversation when he called home this morning with the intention to talk to my mum.

thinking about what he said has made me realized that he just uttered the resolution that i myself should have made. i guess love and i are done with the 'getting to know' part and we are definitely ready to climb the next step hand-in-hand. which is to concentrate on our careers, make the most out of it and finally settle down.

since love have settled in nicely to his new job which is just a walking distance away from his home, *roll my eyes with envy*, it definitely leave the both of us alot of time to concentate on our own passion. it somehow creates the space that we need to groom ourselves with the knowledge that is laid out for us to grab. and mum said this morning "nasib la kau, takde la kau bergantung 24 jam pat handphone."

alot of planning have been made for this year. and we're starting it slow and steady. by the end of the day i'm confident enough that we will reach the goal that we have set for our relationship by the end of the year.

and of course there are alot of other people who really doubt our relationship saying, "are you sure you're ready enough to settle down? do you think it's to early to judge that he is the one for you?" yes i know girlfriends that you care for me alot. i appreciate that but hey, compared to the i've lost count number of relationships i had to love, i feel that this is the most stable relationship i've had so far. from the focus of just the two of us and extending it out to our families, i guess it's all connected.

after all, it takes two hands to clap to produce a sound. commitments and sacrifices and nothing else.

2009-01-08T01:27:00.000-08:00

happy new year everyone. belated i know. been soo super duper busyplusnotimepluslazy to post. oh what the hell. ushering in the new year was fun. together with darla ayu n khai as well as love to muddy murphy's to witness a live band then proceed on to counting down the last minutes and seconds with love at dbl o. blissful fun. just the two of us.

the year 2009 have so far been smooth sailing although it was a bumpy ride towards the end of 2008. alhamdulillah i must say. all these credits to love for supporting me through whatever that has been upsetting, or made me smile.

wishful hope for a memorable 2009 and i'm sure it will be. cheerios.

2008-12-26T18:29:00.000-08:00

yes i'm cranky i noe. and yes i'm not in a good shape. cmon give me a break im pathetically sick, trying to fight my way through to get well but don't you put all the blame on me. you too had broken your promises way too many times and im just like suck it all in. you egocentric person cant you just understand the position im in for once. wth. i told you to go ahead with the plans you had and there you are trying to divert all the negative emotions towards me.and who are you to call me big headed and childish everytime tensions occur? you have no rights at all.

don't you worry about me cause if plan A doesn't work there are still other plans that can be tried out.

2008-12-26T17:36:00.000-08:00

first and foremost, Merry Christmas and Happy holidays to all.

Christmas celebration in school was fine. a lil hectic but overall, okay lah. and that half day during Christmas eve, was super frustrating for me. one thing was that soo many children came down. it's half day so cmon parents cant u just spend time with your children at home rather then putting them in school. poor them.

most of which stayed for more than 10 hrs in school from monday to friday and still was put in the centre again on saturday. that makes me wander how much time left to spend for family bonding. just when the government urging couples to produce more babies, yes they do but they neglected them. whats the point then. and no wander some parents cant control their children at home and leave most of the disciplinary measures to the teachers. cant take care of your own children why make babies then?

well, still on the other hand there are parents who put their children in childcare because there's no one to take care of them at home. yes understood that point. it cant be help right. oh wells. i am definitely happy with the bunch of kids i have been with since the last 2 years. the bond that we have created is definitely strong and the 'i love you' have increased in numbers. no i didn't force them to say that to me. it just came out from their tiny mouths. although at times they made me like wanting to pull my hair out, other times they are just fun lovely creatures.

after work on christmas eve, went to vivo with love to catch up on the things that i wanted. im all happy returning home with 5 paper bags in hand. but sad though cause the fever catch up on me first. i was already feverish when i was at vivo. and by the time im on the train back hm, i was half dead.

and so i spend the christmas in room lying down the entire day accompanied by the paracetamol and cough mixtures. and on the boxing day, im still down so took UL. anyhows, altho still coughing like mad, i feel lighter now. the fever has subsided.

today, got plans lined up. hopefully it goes well. yeah i hope.

2008-12-20T18:49:00.000-08:00

remember i told you i want to go out and do some shopping? yeah i did. just a gift for Christmas exchange. that's all.

it is super damn frustating la. i am all geared up to do shopping. but my eyes seemed to be not ready for shopping. get what i mean? everything i see was not nice at all. and im like all frickle minded when it comes to choosing. until my legs are like screaming at me to stop. so i stop it all. i came back with just a Watsons paper bag on my hand. and nothing else. -_-

late last night, mum text me and suggested for a McDonalds breakfast this morning. but then i just couldn't brin myself out of bed. so we just settle with McDelivery instead.

today, i have an appointment with love's family. to watch Singapore vs Vietnam second leg match at the National Stadium. it is definitely a super long time since i last stepped on the stadium arena. alot of fond memories there. sports meet, national days, soccer match, youth days and so on. and i thot they are going to demolish the stadium to make something else is it? no idea.

alrite macs here. gonna grab that bite. la la la la la im loving it~

2008-12-19T19:42:00.000-08:00

yeehaa. i felt very relieved. veryvery. PTC is done, classrrom environment for 2009 is done. well almost done. hehs.

as for now till January 2nd 2009, i'm trying to enjoy life as it is. before the stress sets in, i've decided to enjoy the moment to the fullest. spending time with family, love, girlfriends and others. pure great fun. endless fun.

chey. funfunfun. and oh oh bonus is in!! moneymoneymoney!! hahha. meeting love later to go grab any christmas prezzies that is still available on shelf. and go get the discounts before they disappear. haha.

so i take this opportunity to remind myself. don't overspend. don't overspend. don't overspend. save money. save money. save money. sufficient enough? hope so. lols.

so so happy. so so high. haha. i'm loving it.

chalo beteh.

2008-12-15T04:57:00.000-08:00

first and foremost a big congratulations to dear bestie Nazreen Bte Khamis on your engagement on 14 December 2008. May the happiness be with you. Love you truckloads.

secondly welcome onboard Darla Raleah for being Miss Ayu. i know im your inspiration. weeeweeet. heees. Hope you enjoy the rollercoaster ride kay darling. need help or tips you know how to get me yah.

thirdly happy sixmonthsary love. its tough i know but we'll make it through okay? love you manymany.

last but definitely not the least HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY to me! haha. thank you all for the wishes and presents. appreciate it alot.

2008-12-05T21:34:00.000-08:00

rough.rough.rough. but i guess i just have to suit myself with all those adjustments, physically, metally, emotionally.

ptc is rolling. had the first badge yest. nursery parents. was okay. one more badge on tues and the following week for k1. preparation's done. just have to deliver. it will be easy.

fun.fun.fun. with girlfriends late last nite for the belated birthday celebrations. altho all the 6 of us looked superbly tired with work/school, still we had a rolling good time. together. just the 6 of us. when we were seated at the cafe cartel, it just feels like when we were all seated for our usual lunchies mostly in canteen 2 during our poly days. poly days=awesome. i'm thankful for everything. the friendship, 4 years and going.

bestie's engagement one more week. arrghhh!! okay just scream on her behalf. supersuper excited for her. thankfully im working early shift on friday so i could just drop by her house to help her with the hantaran gubahan. i like doing all these stuffs. craftswork, decorating of bilik pengatin, making sure everything laid out well. guess got it from mum. i remembered following her around to brides-to-be hses to decorate them and such when i was pretty young. i would help her to pin up stuffs, wrap stuffs, pouring ideas to suit the themes and so on. i miss those times. solid fun. not forgetting the bonding time with mum.

my birthday comin. don't quite know what's in store for me. well not really cos bf is not good at keeping secrets so managed to scoop up something from him. haah. most of my family members, maternal side was born in dec. maybe 6 of us or izit 7 or 8. so i planned to celebrate it all during hari raya haji. a small brownie cake will do. don't ask for more. financial crisis. haha.

and of course 6 monthsary comin soon. that's fast. and like my girlfriends said, "Wow that's long. the longest record so far."

2008-11-29T05:35:00.000-08:00

don't know what happened to me. just fucked up. just go away.

2008-11-27T03:27:00.000-08:00

it's like finally i feel settled. well at least 70% of the things i need to prepare for PTC and the year 2009 is done. been superbly busy preparing stuffs that i need to.

alot have been going on and on and on for the past weeks that i did not manage to post. alot of emotional rides that i have to go through. things are just shaky, rocky, and definitely unstable. this state of mind is just running and running full of negative emotions.

stressful period of time. alot of decisions on hand that needs to be made. alot of dreams and ambitions that have to put on hold. damn. and the eyebags came for a visit again, sitting nicely at the bottom of my two drained eyes.

i've been very sensitive lately. when someone touched on the topics that is very hard for me to deal with, my eyes starts to tear. my heart race. my nose starts to sniffle and my hands begins to shake. how am i going to deal with all this alone. i tried to share. tried to confide but i don't thing anyone really undertands what im feeling and what kind of whirlwind im going through.

it hits hard on love too. i've been giving him a hard time this past few weeks. and he have to keep on reassuring me that everything is going to be fine. i just cant help it. i cant control myself any longer. i just cant keep on putting a smile when deep down inside im bleeding.

im bothered. really disturbed. i cant think straight anymore. i feel weak all the time. im drained. just all of it. just overwhelmed with negative emotions.

2008-11-12T20:08:00.001-08:00

Happy 5 monthsary love.

2008-11-11T03:32:00.000-08:00

Things to be done by end of this week:

Nursery

letter identification score sheet
reading benchmark
developmental milestones checklist
ul folio

ready-to-read checklist
reading benchmark
ul folio

2008-11-10T22:37:00.000-08:00

just when i thought my grey skies is turning blue, thunder strikes. i'm having mensus and a very bad one. *grrrr* cant even get up from bed cause when i do, everything around me spins like a gasing. and to add on with my 'not 100% cured gastric'. sh*t. my tummy keeps on rumbling and rumbling and making weird loud noises. it's scary okay. if my tummy could really talk i think it would say something like this, "move away you gasses, let these hot thick blood go by" hahahha. soooo super funny.

am getting back to work tomorrow. going to finish up with the PTC stuffs. almost done with both classes actually. Nursery left with some letter identification and benchmark. K1 left with progress book and benchmark. going to finish up with the progress book for K1 by tonight. and the developmental milestones for two classes. so by end of Nov im ready for PTC that is if HFMD don't strike again cause i already have one case in my centre for now. hopefully no more.

okay got to get the ball rolling. chalo beteh.

2008-11-10T01:31:00.000-08:00

"When i grow up, i want to be a teacher." that was what i used to tell mum when i was young. and here i am, 21 years now, i am a certified early childhood educator. i guess you can say that i am definitely proud of myself.

i had all my goals and wishes planned up when i was in secondary school. together with my bestfriend, Naz, we would plan at what age we would get married, who would marry first, what gift we will give each other on our wedding day, how many children we plan to have and so on.

and now, at the age of 22, we are definitely feeling that everything is drawing near. right babe? she's getting engaged next month. i am definitely sooo super duper excited for her. don't worry babe, i'll be with you through it all okay. and of course we would record on our small black diary composed for the 3 of us.im soo happy. so sooo happy.

and when yours done, ehem, my turn to stress. haha. hope everything goes well.

ttfn.

2008-11-09T23:13:00.000-08:00

went to Pahlawan with love yesterday. had fun as always. camwhoring most of the time. just the two of us. heheh. due to the lack of pictorials, let the picture do the talking for now okay? i need a break. heheh. and oh Happy 49th to dearest dad! love you.

2008-11-09T22:08:00.000-08:00

it's up and running again! HURRAH!!!

beneath all the non-updates, sadness, anger, stress prevail.

ALOT has happened the past one or two months. full of miseries *note: miseries NOT mysteries* unfolds.

and to start it all off, my centre FAILED QCC. miserable numero uno. how depressing can it get when you know that you have worked your asses off just so to uphold the centre's name, reputation and standards. and how devastating it is if all these happens on the eve of Hari Raya. thanks to the you know who for spoiling my entire raya mood alrite. *grrrr*

so with all the low morale going on for the QCC, most of the staffs decided to rethink our own career path. to really reflect on whether we still want to continue on the quest of being an educator. it is a tough job. no joke. having to deal with loads of matters surrounding you for the benefit of the children under your care.

with all these i started to think about the enjoyable times i had while still studying in poly working part time basically under the customer service line. i figured that the drive that makes me want to go to work almost everyday is due to the know that i will meet different kinds of people and at the same time understand the need to deal with different challenges each of them brings. when i bridge that to my current job, i see it as facing the same challenges each day which, for me it is draining and definitely exhausting. having to face the same disciplinary problems each day is tiring. really.

so i decided to divert my career path a little to teaching enrichments. found one and was ready to spur on but it has no benefits whatsoever. more like 'got work got pay no work no pay' *grrrrr* that is misery part duex. irritating.

and the utmost one was my mood swings. its really like SH*T ok. it keeps on swinging and swinging and swinging. i got angry super easily lah. over smallest tiniest things or matters also i can get angry. super F*CKED up. *grrr* the pinacle misery of all.

now for the MYSTERY part. been having weird dreams lately which makes me wake up umpteen times during my sleep. just weird. which gives me headache. *grrrrrr*

oh wells, i hope it gets *better in time~~*

my wishlist for now is actually to go for a holiday somewhere. but dunno where. but in the mean time just want to spend the most and fun times with my loved ones.

2008-09-19T23:12:00.000-07:00

and Kids-In-Charge (KIC) is finally over! the past grueling week has end with a remark sense of satifaction. imagine going through all the lessons, activities, artworks, photographs, documentation, cutting, pasting, backing, and laying out on the corrugated boards. and double it up with 2 classes. i made it. and i made it wih excellence. what more can you ask for than just, "Teacher Ida you make very nice you know."-Students.

oh remember i told you about the assistant teacher? oh wells, she tendered. which means, back to square one. well i've made up my mind to just take over the nursery class till the year ends. and if still no teacher is available, i don't mind teaching double-level unless i have to take k2 next year. and yes Term 4 is just next week, equally translated to changing of environments, lessons and of course Parent-Teacher Conference (PTC). it's like i just went through that. right?

2008-09-12T05:31:00.000-07:00

First and foremost. Happy belated Teachers Day to all teachers and of course, Selamat Berpuasa. Sorry readers, been wanting to post but it's either 1) a sudden 'argh lazy ah want to post' mood, 2) busy with chores/work or 3) 'I shall spend the day doing nothing' mode.

Today marks the 3rd month of my relationship with love. fast eh. oh wells i used to say time flies. it is isn't it. like i just felt like the fasting month is drawing near. and now is like in our midst to finish off the 2nd half of these pure and innocent month. which means Hari Raya is coming. while the kids are smiling fom one ear to another, the working adults are shaken. haha. well, as always, im all looking forward for Hari Raya. you can just feel the excitement of seeing your close as well as distant relatives coming together to visit. and not forgetting the private yet solemn moment when we ask for forgiveness to one another especially to your own parents. and when this happens, i can just tear even before holding my parents hands. what more asking for their forgiveness, it's just like heavy rain and there goes my makeup. haha. but when it's done, that feeling of relieve can be felt.

and oh i'll be having an assistant teacher coming in on Monday to assist me in Nursery, and, eventually take over the class. that will be like a load off my shoulder. don't get me wrong. it's not that i don't like teaching and guide the children. in fact, i enjoyed my time doing the routines with them. it made me realize how much these children have grown and at the same time going down memory lane of the times i had with my current k1 a year ago. and my k1 children have been pleading each day for me to take over the class fully instead of just teach and be with the Nursery for the rest of the day.i guess they missed my presence. this whole week they would just stick to me. not forgetting, hugging, sitting on my lap, holding on to my leg and refuse to let go, and of course the ever so frequent 'i love you'. i adore these kids. i really do. i'll be back soon boys and girls. in the meantime, just promise you will behave.

alrite that's all for now. can't think of anything else except,

Thank you love for all that you've done. Thank you for supporting me all these while. Thank you for putting up with my whining and my nonsense. Thank you for putting up with my frequent mood swings. Thank you for all the meals, movies, expenses, etc. Thank you for taking care of me when i was sick. Thank you for massaging my back when i had back aches. Thank you for fulfilling my wants. and Thank you very much for accepting me as me. i just can't Thank you enough. i love you as always.

2008-08-25T05:36:00.001-07:00

just waiting for thursday. weehooo.

oh anyways, had lots of fun with love the past weekend. well shall not elaborate much.

work has been on track. although it was really tough at first, when i have to take over the Nursery class which means teaching double level. i have to revamp the whole look of the classroom for the english side especially the boards as well as polish up the curriculum. as for Kindergarten 1, i'm still maintaining the standards.

actually really wish for qcc to come soon cause for the first time me and my colleagues was like ever-ready for it. everything are in tip-top condition. BUT the HFMD strikes yet again. yeah mann. last Friday was the first onset. hopefully it just stays as one. KIC is coming and i have to prepare for 2 classes. well going to start real early so that i don't need to rush on things. im gonna take my time and do it on my own pace. i will do it.

oh love thanks for encouraging me all these while. thanks for putting up with all my agonizing tears and endless rambles and complaints. thanks for everything. really appreciate it. :)

that's all folks. till then.

2008-08-18T07:04:00.000-07:00

really feel like going. grrrrr~~

2008-08-16T23:55:00.000-07:00

feel like updating but no idea of what to post. oh wells. just enjoy the newly updated songs. :p

2008-08-08T04:02:00.000-07:00

yet again im sick. boo-hoo. just when i get all-excited for the National Day Celebration at school. pffts. sori children i can't make it to join all of you for the celebrations and the games. (like as if they read my blog. haha)

when i got up this morning, i knew that my temperature was higher than usual. but i still ignored the feeling and went straight to shower. after shower, i checked my temperature. 37.4 degrees. ok la not so bad. so i got changed, put on my red t-shirt as promised to all of my children. then head to kitchen for breakfast. just when i gulp down the Nescafe sis left for me, my body ache all over. i went back to bed and check my temperature again. 38 degrees. not good. i called school and informed. felt bad actually cause i was supposed to do OT due to lack of manpower in the afternoon.

so i called mum who was sending sis to school and informed her about my situation. so i rested and forced myself to sleep. but to no avail. body was aching very badly. i can't breathe well and my chest hurts like a whole lot. i tried to endure the pain. i don't even have the energy to call mum who was at the kitchen so i text her instead. she came to my room and on the fan just so to let some ventilation running so that i can breathe better.

around 15 minutes later, i decided to go straight to the hospital to get myself checked. i could no longer endure the pain. mum and dad accompanied me to the A&E at CGH. around almost an hour then my name was called. by then my body ache was uncontrollable. i was so worried that i got admitted but i was not. doctor suspected that my asthma could come back anytime so she gave me some pills for asthma just in case it attacks. as for the body ache, she gave me a pill which is somewhat stronger than paracetamol.

right after the check-up, mum forced me to eat. it took me awhile to decide on what i want or can consume. so i go with Nasi Lemak which i could only eat half of the portion. mum and dad tried to finish it all. so got a cab home and ate medicine and rest. the body ache reduced but the headache remains. hopefully it got better cause i've got plans lined up tomorrow with love. and oh love is dropping by soon to see my condition. and to officially see his future parents-in-law. *chuckles. Good luck ok love. i noe u're nervous. haha. don't worry my parents are not cannibal. so should be fine. hehe.

okok got to rest now. getting all dizzy. will update soon.

2008-08-02T21:35:00.001-07:00

yahoo! changed my blogskin like finally! yeehaaa!! and i can safely say that everything is in place now. from this blog to life. Thank God!

love have been fine lately. there's been ups and downs actually. but it's been solved. and hopefully it stays this way. and can't wait for that 12 December. hopefully everything goes on as planned. Insya'Allah.

school has been hectic but fine now. neat i must say. well prepared for QCC. oh except that i have yet to update the first aid box. will do it by next week. i hope.

to my girlfriends, i hope we can meet up soon ok. to lovely Naz and Joey, i miss you girls lots. meet up soon ok. dinner or just plain old window shopping ok? *winks* oh and Naz, maybe we can go for some Hantaran shopping one day ok babe! cant wait! Hurrah!

2008-07-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

and i knew it my body cant take it. ive overworked myself and now im sick. even the doctor said it's due to tensions. although its just one da mc, im making the most of it. hees. and one way is by changing my blogskin. i hope.

sorry to those people whom ive offended these past 3 weeks. alot have been going on. from work stuffs to granny's being sick and to all the squabbles here and there. and to my girlfriends sorry that ive missed out in some of the outings. will make it up to you as soon as im well ok.

ok now shall proceed to the blogskin search. weeeeeeehooooo~

2008-07-21T23:03:00.001-07:00

now one HUGE part of the migranes and sleepless nights is finally OVER. or at least most part of it. the past 2 or 3 weeks my and my colleagues have been packing, re-designing, setting up the environmenet of our various classrooms, creating the learning corners games, marking of exercise books and so on. no doubt all these are the bits and pieces that we teachers have to do every other day. however, with the Quality Care Check, we have to be extra careful, mindful and vigilant with all these. now that one part of the QCC is over, i can safely say that i could let out somewhat a huge sigh. it all went smoothly for my part, except for some tinge here and there. overall i rate myself with a GOOD. not bad aye. self-praising. hees.

oh yeah still the unjustice feeling is intact. oh wells. it can be all rainbow and butterflies all the time. that's all for now.

2008-07-18T06:40:00.000-07:00

too much to handle. everything is getting out of hand. too stressed up. im physically drained and mentally exhausted.

being to stay at work for 12-15 hrs every other day was super tiring. it just go on and on. the more you do, the more things piled up, screaming at you to get it done. from Parent-Teacher Conference to the Quality Care Check. and next in line comes the Kids-in-Charge. the light at the end of the tunnel seemed so far away. it makes me breathless.

i need a break. tried to squeeze in time for family, love and girlfriends. but how am i suppose to when i dont even get the 8 hours of sleep i needed each day? how am i suppose to commit to those when i dont even have the spare time to do something i love? how am i suppose to fulfill all those when i have work to be brought back just so i could complete them? i dont even have the freaking time for myself.

sometimes i feel like running away from it all. but these are my responsibilities. and i have to be professional to deal with it. and due to the built-up stress, love and i have been quarelling. i hate it when these happens. everything just affects my mood. i could be all hyped-up at one moment and just all-frustrated on the next. it's just one after another and another and another. just cant think straight. mind not thinking. body not responding. my soul is dead.

2008-07-04T23:08:00.000-07:00

aloha. its a saturday and it's 10 minutes past 2 and i'm still at work. came to work just to finish up on my dramatic corner. still, there's stuffs to buy at IKEA which i'm going tomorrow. so yeah, it's pretty welll thought off i must say. with plasma tv and such. haha. super high-tech these kids.

work is fine i guess. one by one my colleague is leaving. after my principal announced that she is transferring to another centre, it gets each one of us thinking whether to continue on in this organization or leave. as for me, let's just say i'm completing my 2 years of work experience then, see how it goes from there.

okok. that's all for now i guess. and oh oh, i'm going for NDP preview with mum, sis, love and his mum. gosh i'm nervous. hees.

2008-07-01T00:34:00.000-07:00

i'm having migraine now. grr~ and i'm fasting still. yes. i didn't manage to continue on with my fast after the last post as my lip condition got pretty bad. so now, i'm still continuing my quest to complete that 8 days.

alot of things has happened the past days. too much till i don't even have the energy to even on my laptop to update. i'm just tired really. and when i say i'm tired, i mean im REALLY tired. it's mentally exhausting that cause me lack of sleep and even if i get to sleep, i would still feel weak the morning after. you know you slept but you feel like you didn't. it's like your body is literally resting but your mind just refused to stop thinking. gaah~

conflicts after conflicts were faced. some has been resolved, some still in my tiny little brain, itching me every bit and contributing to every single pinch of my migraine.

2008-06-23T23:04:00.000-07:00

hey hey you you.

before i start on my quest for the observations and updating of progress reports, i shall summarize my day.

today is my first day paying back my days where i didn't get to fast last year. (so all you men from mars better appreciate that you don't have to skip your fast every year. so you don't have any excuse to skip any of the days. *roll eyes*) and yeah. it was quite a struggle actually. still i know im strong to go through it all. almost 1 day down. 7 days more to go. Jia you.

work was fine. teach my class in the morning, later have to helped out in the Nursery class till i'm off work. i just love working this morning shift as I get to got off early. who wouldn't right. although it's very pressurizing in the morning. and having night mares of parents who are always at the door when the clock strikes 7. *chuckles*

i guess that's all for now. will update more later at night if i have the time. otherwise, let's call it a day.

2008-06-23T06:10:00.000-07:00

im feeling vibed. i just finished reading a library book called "Lost for Words" written by Lorelei Mathias. Hurrah! it's about an editorial assistant who was falling in love with a book she got out from a slush pile. and romance started to happened when the attached Daisy starting to fall in love with her workie Elliot without even knowing.

well back to the REAL life, granny was discharged from hospital around noon. so i went straight to aunt's place after work. sadly enough, grany couldn't come back to my place at the moment as dad, mum and me are busy working and my sis busy with schooling. still i'll drop by aun't place everyday after work from now on. good thing i am on my morning shift this month. (and yes, fyi, i wasn't late for work. i even took the bus. Double Hurrah!)

and yes, i've made my decision love. and i just can't wait for everything to be in place. *winks*

2008-06-22T07:20:00.001-07:00

yest didnt meet love because i have to rush home as granny's sick. she would occassionally shout for help and when we asked what happened, she said that she sees that the whole room is tumbling down on her. this occurrances happens more frequently as the hour stretched.

my sis-in-law came and brought along with her the blood pressure meter. true enough her blood pressure was high. and so my sis-in-law asked her to go to the hospital. after like 15 minutes of coaxing and begging, she finally agreed. called the ambulance and it arrived around 5-10 minutes later.

all, around 8 of us, (my family with some aunts, uncles and cousins) tailed the ambulance to the hospital. it was quite long before the doctor approached us and reviewed on his observations. granny was dehydrated and that her blood pressure is higher than normal. as granny has a past history of stroke, the doctor said it would be better if she stayed for further observations.

after around an hour, doctor requested for granny to be admitted so that further checks could be done. and so she was admitted at around 0200 hours. i left the hospital around 0300 hours then slept the rest of the dark sky.

got up pretty early today by a call from love. initially, i agreed to meet him so as to make up for the cancellation the day before. however, my mind was not at ease. all im thinking about was my granny. so i rang him up and cancelled it. sorry love.

reached hospital around 1400 hours and stayed until 2000 hours when i took my leave to meet love for dinner. and now here i am blogging. and oh when i signed in my msn, love leaves me a message:

muhd sent 22/6/2008 1:29 PM:
baby,maybe this week luck is not at our side,but its ok,maybe god want to see hw patient we are....

muhd sent 22/6/2008 1:30 PM:
whatever it is,u nid not feel guilty,coz i understand ur grandma is sick...

muhd sent 22/6/2008 1:31 PM:
no matter what,for next week,it's ur turn to plan where we will be going....

muhd sent 22/6/2008 1:31 PM:
i reali miss u so much....

muhd sent 22/6/2008 1:31 PM:
i reali love u so much.....

muhd sent 22/6/2008 1:32 PM:
muack!!

muhd sent 22/6/2008 1:32 PM:
bye love!!

and i love you too love. thank you for understanding and sorry if somehow i raised my voice at you last night when you called. much love.

2008-06-21T05:19:00.000-07:00

was supposed to reach school at around 10-ish. however, im just too tired. though i had an early sleep the night before, my body still scream 'Rest' to me. although love had called me around 9 to wake me up, my eyelids are just too heavy to be lift up. heh.

forced myself up around 930 and went straight to shower and got myself dressed up and proceed on to the clinic to get my granny her monthly medication. gosh it was a long queue. before proceeding to work, i got lunchies for Mabel and myself.

once my brunch was over, its workworkwork up till 630pm. its like one after another. non-stop-hits of computer-printing-laminating-cutting-sorting-displaying.

didn't able to accompany Mabel to IKEA though and sadly enough im not able to meet love.

2008-06-20T06:05:00.000-07:00

Abah,
seorang bapa yang ku sayangi suatu ketika dahulu
seorang bapa yang ku puja suatu ketika dahulu
seorang bapa yang ku dampingi suatu ketika dahulu

Abah,
seorang bapa yang penyayang suatu ketika dahulu
seorang bapa yang penuh dengan senyuman suatu ketika dahulu
seorang bapa yang memeluk ku suatu ketika dahulu

Abah,
seorang bapa yang kini jarang berada di rumah
seorang bapa yang kini sinar dan seri mukanya tidak kelihatan
seorang bapa yang rasanya sungguh jauh jasadnya

Abah,
kini ku mulai rasakan perhubungan kita seperti langit dan bumi
sering kelihatan antara satu sama lain
tetapi tidak pernah akan rapat walau hanya seketika

Perasaan banci dan dendam mulai terasa di benak kalbuku
hanya akan ku doakan agar Tuhan memberimu Hidayah supaya lurus perjalanamu

17 March 2008

1800 hours

2008-06-20T05:38:00.000-07:00

quite a hectic day at work. although there's only 10 kids who turned up today, still it feels like full house. with the screaming and shouting, it really gets on my nerves. my colleague's too.

oh wells.

TGIF. finally the weekend's here. the long awaited Saturday is arriving. going to work still to polish up my Term 3 curriculum. later, accompanying Mabel to IKEA to get some K2 stuffs. then forward on to meeting love in the evening.

been keeping myself busy with the observations and progress reports for the coming Parent-Teacher Conference (PTC). didn't have time to grab a bite even during my kids' nap time. working the late shift (930am-7pm) for a whole month is super damn tiring. and damn i've to work on the earliest shift (7am-430pm) for the upcoming month starting this coming Monday. i wander how much i would splurge on cab fares. while im going on Gosh!, those cab drivers will be excitedly saying Hurrah!

2008-06-18T06:11:00.000-07:00

im light-hearted. i guess i'm contented with what i have right now. got to stop complaining and comparing and start doing things that i enjoy doing and filling my time with it. cos as they say, life is too short.

and this morning, i was welcomed by my girl when i reach school.

girl: Teacher Ida, I love you.

me: I love you too.

girl: You know why i say i love you?

me: why?

girl: because yest i forgot to say i love you to you.

yes. without fail this girl of mine would end her day at school by saying i love you to me. no matter how her day has been under me, good or bad, she still leaves school with that satisfied smile on her face.

and i'm learning that from her. think positive. that's what i'm going to do.

2008-06-17T06:29:00.000-07:00

the reason why im still not fully recovered is due to stress. stress about family, stress about work, stress about life. grrr~ when will all of these end?

sometimes i simply wish that im a tai-tai. lazing around shaking legs at home. at other times i wanted to be that career women. can i just satisfy with the median? taking the best of both worlds? no idea.

and it's now that i wish i've saved up a long time ago. at least i could have gone for a holiday somewhere to ease this hectic state of mind. pffft~

this is just soo random.

2008-06-16T07:06:00.000-07:00

it seems to be more oppositions than supporters. im confident that it's right this time round. still i will fight through the odds. no one can stop me now.

against all odds.

2008-06-15T05:43:00.000-07:00

went to Siloso today. supposed to meet love at 0900 but reached at 0945. oops. haha. made our way to Sentosa and down to Siloso beach. reached around 10 plus. found a spot and settled down.

i had my part of breakfast of strawberry milk and some fruits and rest for awhile before heading for the sea. had a whole lots of fun with love. swimming, sitting, standing, stunt-ting (like for real) haha.

part from Siloso at around 1715 hours.

manymany thanks love for spending almost half of your day with me.

him who proposed me *chuckles*

2008-06-13T22:22:00.000-07:00

okay let's start blogging properly. as you can see from my previous posts, it's just a pathetic one-liner. why? cause i'm pathetically SICK. boo-hoo. haha. if you asked me how i am now, i'd say i'm not that sure if i'm okay. sometimes i feel fine. able to do things and stuffs and so on. but at other times, it all come back at one shot. i would feel all dizzy and naseous at one go. coughing non-stop and the pipe in my nose doesn't seem to stop running. grrr~

thanks to those who have particularly being concern about my condition. manymany thanks. and of course, thanks love.

i'd say my life now has been quite a mixed-up lately. i've been considering lots of options and opinions from others. that really makes me wonder. do i really need their opinions and judgements? can't i just make my own decisions. it's my life anyways. maybe it's due to my past that i've decided to ask for more opinions before making that final decisions. but till when? i can't be calling up people close to me every now and then. maybe i should stop being dependent on others. maybe i should just live on my life independently just as it is.

only GOD knows.

2008-06-12T22:08:00.000-07:00

unwell. still partypartyparty. thanks love.

2008-06-11T05:44:00.000-07:00

oh fever please go away :(

2008-06-10T05:35:00.000-07:00

no voice + bad runny nose + not enough manpower = insane

2008-06-09T04:50:00.000-07:00

i came to school with just 30% of my voice.

kids in class were very concerned. one of my girls said,

Girl: Teacher Ida u must drink water. alot of water. then pass urine, then you will be ok.

haha. isn't that pure concerned? love them to bits. still i reach home with NO VOICE at all. and my throat hurts like hell.

and my mind keeps on wandering around.

2008-06-08T05:45:00.000-07:00

she's my friend, my dance partner, my shoulder to cry on, my love.

retail therapy with huiping. but not really. just got myself a hairband. thanks love.

2008-06-08T02:57:00.000-07:00

mixed-up feeling. stuck in the middle of two roads.

which one to choose?

oh God I trust You'll guide me through. Amin.

things have been going on around me. good and bad. all is taken as a reflection from someone else's life. just like a mirror. i see them through. take it as a lesson to be learnt or just throw it away? clueless.

when the sun don't shine, the sky turns to grey.

2008-06-05T06:44:00.001-07:00

a brand new blog.

a brand new page.

a brand new lease.

i've decided. everything's gonna change for GOOD. what's past let it just slip down memory lane. and let the present unveil itself slowly. i'm not going to rush myself in making any BIG decisions in my life as i know it'll affect lots of other people around me.

take it slow and steady.

for sure. i know what ever that has been happening, GOD has been trying to show me a glimpse of what my FUTURE would be like. and i THANK GOD for everything.

life has never been better. thank you.